lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
