That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
