Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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