So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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