Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
