Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
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