The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
