I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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