I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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