I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
