she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
