and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
be right there i have to get my cape
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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