Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
