overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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