dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We're too hungover to prance.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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