On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
