A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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