Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
