i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
