this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
