So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
