I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
