Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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