News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You took a bar mat shot.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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