Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
