At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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