I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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