he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
