At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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