dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i will never coherently bang her
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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