god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
