I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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