I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
