Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
