so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
