I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
