To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
