You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
