Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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