I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
