i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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