So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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