I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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