I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
