yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
