We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
As shirtless as possible
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
