yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
