Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
