why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize