I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
