Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
