my mouth tastes like poor choices
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
