I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
