ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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