so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
