If that was your dad, he is hot
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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