Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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