Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
