When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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