3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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