I must be too annoying 4 u.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
vagina is talking i cant
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
