apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
