he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
