maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
