But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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