Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Success! We fucked roommates!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
