he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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