I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
