You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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