I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
