Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
