I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Randomize
