Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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