That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
